Sometimes...

Sometimes I worry that I'll die unexpectedly, and no one will ever have understood the confusing jumble of thoughts inside my head.

Occasionally, I picture the inside of my mind as a teenagers bedroom.
Clothes strewn across the floor...
Piles of open books piled high upon the desk...
and no one ever cleans it.
I find lots of things there...
but so rarely what I'm looking for.
That one thought that escapes me.
Always.
And sometimes, I worry that I'll never find it.
The room will never be cleaned..
and eventually I'll forget.
And that will be it.
That scares me a little.

No one will ever have wandered in the jungle that is my imagination.
That scares me a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find my place.
If I will ever wake up one morning with no doubts lying next to me,
that I am where I'm meant to be.
So no matter where I go or what I do.
that place will follow me.
Inside me.
Always.

Sometimes I wonder.
But sometimes I don't.
Because I know I'm still searching,
And with every step forward I know where I am.

I'm getting closer.

Sometimes I think those are the greatest 'sometimes' of all.

 

That thing...

Have you ever done that thing where you notice a stranger walking past you down the street, and you think to yourself...

'That person has been lonely before. They have sat down and cried their eyes out. They have been overwhelmingly happy and indescribably sad. They have known what it's like to be disappointed, loved and forgotten. I mean, I don't know them or anything, but chances are they've known and felt all these things. Just like me.'

Then just like that, you realize how unbelievably human we all are.
And just like that, you love them.
Because they're just like you.