The Last Lesson

It was only a few weeks ago that I was walking through school and some girls from my drama class ran up to me.

"This afternoon is our last class with you, isn't it Miss?"

"Yes sweetie, it is."

"We have a surprise for you!"

"Oh God," I thought as they hurried away giggling.

"They're going to prank me again..."

This class in particular had earned themselves quite a track record in this respect.

But they didn't! Not this time.

They bought me a card. 

Adorable, right?

Let us take a brief moment to acknowledge this. A bunch of 13 year olds, who most of the time couldn't remember to bring a pencil with them to class, had actually gone out, found a card, written inside of it and brought it all the way to their last lesson with me.

And okay, this may not sound like the hugest of deals...

But it meant a lot to me. :)

So I had thought that was the surprise, and maybe even they thought it was, but by no means was it the most precious thing they gave to me that day.

I told them that because it was our last lesson, I wanted them to think back over our year together and choose some of their favourite drama games to play!
You know, for the last time.

They were quiet for a moment (which is always suspicious), before one girl put up her hand (also suspicious) and asked me,

"Miss, do you remember the first game we ever played?"

I didn't. So she reminded me.

The game was called Pukanah.

I remember playing it in our very first drama class thinking that all the rowdy Maori chanting, clapping and stamping would get us energised and be a fun way to break the ice!

Instead, what I ended up with was a roomful of nervous 13 year olds, clapping awkwardly and BEGGING me to choose another game.

So we didn't do it again.

I'd just figured it wasn't their thing.

But now they wanted to play!

So that's exactly what we did.

But this time was different!

They stamped,

They chanted,

And they sang!

They sang LOUD!

So much so, that as soon as we'd stopped I gathered them around to tell them all how incredibly proud of them I was. But one of them interrupted me. 

"Miss Johnson! Do you remember what happened the first time we played that game?

We were all so nervous and shy...

And we all just kinda stood around looking awkward!"

Everyone started giggling and nodding at the memory.

"But Miss! Did you see us just now!"

"We're totally confident!"

Then they were all talking...

And telling me things.

Things like much more confident they felt,

How happy they were,

And how much they loved me.

So I listened and I let them,

Because I loved them too.

But here's the thing...

They could tell me all about how much I had taught them,

But by no means were they the only students in the room.

The fact is that for the 7 months I'd been at that school, I didn't always know what I was doing.

And let's be honest, I still don't!

But there are a couple of things I've figured out.

Just one, simply, is that there is one thing you see a lot of when you're a teacher,

And that's beauty.

It doesn't always look the same,

And sometimes you don't understand it until much later.

But it's there, in front of you.

All the time.

Sometimes it looks like a hand in the air,

As the 'quiet one' in the room begins asking questions.

Sometimes it looks like a student copying the notes down twice,

So her friend with a sore finger won't fall behind.

Sometimes it looks like a 'thank-you',

A held door, a smile,

Or an emotional group selfie.

But it's there,

Everywhere.

You just have to look.

And so here's my resolution,

As late as it is!

That no matter how far I wander,

Or where I end up,

And regardless of how time and trials changes me,

I will always remember this lesson.

And I will never stop looking.

Celebrating Christmas

Growing up in a Bahai family means many things, one of them being that I'd inevitably be having a conversation like this with my parents once a year:

Me: Muman, why can't we celebrate Christmas with everyone else?

Mum: Because Ingrid, we're not Christians. We're Baha'is.

Me: But Baha'is believe in Jesus too, right?

Mum: Well yes, but we also believe in Moses, Mohammad, Buddha, Krishna, Zoroaster... And Baha'u'llah! Imagine if we celebrated every single religious festival in the world! We'd be celebrating all the time.

Sorry Mum, but that was probably the wrong argument to give to a 6 year old Ingrid... Because frankly, that sounded AWESOME!

Imagine how much fun it would be to be CELEBRATING all the time..

And not even just out OWN beliefs and traditions, but those that other people believe in as well.

We'd all get to learn together! And dance together! And sing together!

What could possibly be wrong with that?

Now I have an interesting relationship with Christmas.

I don't for one second buy into the whole 'materialism' aspect of it.

Even as a child, it was never the presents I was after...

I've also always been very aware that a great deal of the hype and imagery has very little connection with Christian beliefs.

But I do remember having this deep-seated desire to be a part of something.

And as much as I understand Christmas has evolved into a culture of commercialism, I still believe there are certain aspects to the holiday that are very valuable.

For example, I love the idea of people sitting around with their families to enjoy a nice homemade dinner.

And for the first time this year, I had a Christmas tree!

Which means I finally got to live out my fantasy of sitting down with a friend before Christmas to watch some films, paint baubles and thread popcorn for the tree!

And although Christmas trees may have very little to do with the actual origins of Christmas, as far as random traditions go, I gotta say I'm a fan. :)

Because it's FUN!

We don't do enough things just because they're FUN anymore.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I think celebrating things is important.

And no matter what you believe, there seems to be something so incredibly beautiful about people coming together and sharing something that makes them happy.

A Good Lesson

Sorry for the novel guys, but had a very touching lesson yesterday, which I felt like sharing.

I'd been noticing recently in some of my classes, that the language my students used with each other wasn't always nice. This was worrying for me, because I know that habits formed at this age are harder to break later in life and will influence their character in quite a significant way.

So I planned a lesson that made me quite nervous, because there were so many ways it could go wrong. Regardless, when they came in, I told them to sit down in front of an envelope and listen.

I told them the story of my vocal disability, and the time I had spent as a mute.
I told them all about how I had spent months listening to people yelling at each other from car windows or throwing hurtful words back and forth between them, and the devastation I felt for the ways these people were choosing to use their words.
They were wasting them. Completely.
Then I told them about the promise I had made to myself back then, that if I should ever get my voice back, I would never waste another word.
Not a single one.
Because words are power.
They have the power to raise us up, to inspire, to heal, to encourage and to do incredible things to the hearts and minds of those around us... And that's beautiful.
So why would we ever choose to hurt someone with them?

Anyway, I finished my little speech, and explained the next activity. We were going to pass our envelopes around the circle and every time a new persons envelope landed in front of us, we would take a moment to reflect on the things we loved about that person and write them a note saying something kind. Then we would put it in their envelope and pass it on.

It made me so happy, looking around at this room of 13 year olds, as they scribbled furiously with their heads down and smiles on their faces, determined to brighten each other's days in the biggest way possible.

But it doesn't end there. We were nearing the end of the lesson when one of the girls stopped what she was doing and looked over at me with a confused expression on her face.
"Miss, where is your envelope?"
I was so thrown off by that question. I smiled at her and told her that it was okay and I didn't really need one - but what happened next nearly made me cry.

With no hesitation, she jumped up from her desk, strode over to my table and grabbed one of the spare envelopes sitting there. After writing my name on it she stood in front of the class, held the envelope above her head and boldly announced to the room that everyone needed to stop what they were doing for a minute and write Miss Johnson a note (since she had tried to be silly and not include herself in the activity).

Then I watched as one by one my sweet, beautiful kids bounced over to my envelope to slip their notes inside.
I actually love these guys.
So... so much.

Later, when the class was over and each student had gone home with their envelopes filled with kind words, I sat down to read what they'd written to me, and I'm not going to lie, there were tears.

Not one of them had said anything half-hearted or superficial.
They had understood the lesson.

Now, as a lot of you may know, a few months ago I had spoken to my head teacher about leaving my post in that school.
It was a long and expensive commute, I wasn't teaching enough classes to be working towards my full teacher registration and I had been facing a whole bunch of challenges working in that school.
Also, as even fewer of you may know, earlier this week an advertisement went out in the public domain searching for my replacement.

It wasn't until this moment though, that I realized how much working with these kids truly meant to me. We had grown so much together.
We were learning from each other, and suddenly I couldn't imagine ever leaving them behind.

So I said some prayers, ditched my pride and rushed over to the head teachers office to beg for my job back.
I showed her the notes.
I told her everything.
The job is rough, and draining and easily the most difficult thing I've ever done.
But I knew I was the best person to do it.

Unfortunately, it was too late, and I know that now I'm going to have to live with the decision I made.
But wherever I end up, these kids taught me something incredible.
I don't even know how to articulate what it is.
But I know one thing now.
Every moment I spend with them is precious, and fleeting.

And for as long as I'm allowed to stay there, I'm not going to waste a single one of them.
Not one. x

This is not about politics... I promise. ;)

So here we go!

In the lead up to the Scottish Referendum happening on the 18th of September, walking through the streets of Glasgow is an exciting experience filled with flag waving, song singing and large quantities of little blue buttons!

But as exciting as it is, and easy as it may be to get caught up in the political hype,
I think we need to remember a few things.

Note: This blog entry is not about the vote.
I have no intentions of swaying any of my friends one way or another on this particular issue, nor am I yet entirely sure how I shall be voting myself, but there is one thing I believe very strongly when it comes to the Scottish Referendum:

We're all in this together.

Something is going to happen.
The outcome of the impending vote will be one of two things,
It will be yes,
or it will be no.

Considering how divided the nation appears to be on this issue, no matter which way the voting goes, there are going to be an awful lot of people who don't get what they want and at the same time, alot of people who do.

But here's the thing,
We're all in this together.

No matter which way things go, the outcome of this vote is going to reflect a choice that we have made. Regardless of what that is, every single person voting in the referendum will have ticked a box which THEY believed would benefit their country.

And here is where we all stop wanting something different,
and we all start wanting the same.

We want to be happy.

We want Scotland to be happy,
and prosperous,
and safe.
So when the dust settles, this is what I hope lingers in the air.

Not anger,
or hate,
or disappointment,

But the knowledge that a truly great country cannot be defined by the box it ticks on a piece of paper, but by the efforts of its people to come back together and create the society they want.
A society whose happiness is not dependent on politics.
Because it isn't.
It depends on us.

Like I said, this blog isn't about the vote.
It's about us,
because when it comes to the future of this country,
we are so very, very important.

x.

10 things I know to be true

I was re-watching a TED talk by Sarah Kay recently and started feeling quite inspired by it. She speaks about her experiences of inspiring creativity in young people and how she would help them realize that they had their own interesting stories to tell.

In response to this I did the activity with one of my classes, and they came up with some really interesting ideas, which I actually feel helped us understand each other a little better.

It's almost like, you can't really tell what is important to someone until they tell you, and so rarely do they get the opportunity to really dig into their thoughts and feelings to share these things, particularly in school.

So I thought I might make a list of my own.
And here it is. :)
10 things I know to be true...

1. If I hadn't made the (terrifying) decision to take Drama in school, even though none of my friends were taking it, I would be a less happy human. I remember being petrified of walking into each lesson back then, but still I knew it was where I wanted to be. The extent that I have grown through my passion for the arts may never have had the chance to blossom if I hadn't taken that step.

2. Nothing is closer to my heart than my faith as a Baha'i. It has shaped me into the person I am.

3. Teaching has made me appreciate things like sleeping and 'alone time' more than I EVER have before.

4. The world is incredible, all of it, and I want to explore it so badly.

5. Everyone has their own story to tell, and I wish I could hear all of them!

6. I actually love Doctor Who. Yes, I do.

7. I love water fights.. and pillow forts... and fancy dress... and in general I'm pretty much a ridiculous excuse for a grown-up.

8. I bought some wax from a Czech chemist the other day, which could just as easily be bleach or cream (since I can't actually understand Czech). But if I'm completely honest... I'm a wee bit looking forward to being surprised. :p

9. A couple of balloons popped in my face today, and I could just feel my dorm-decorating-enthusiasm running for cover behind the couches.

10. As wonderful as the Indian food from Ceske Budejovice is, tonight I ate too much of it. :p

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my list of truths. :)
So I did that with my class today, which sparked some interesting conversations and insights into their thoughts (as you can imagine).

Then you get moments like this one, which occurred after I asked them to make a list titled '10 Things I Should Have Learned By Now'.

Student: Can I share my list Miss?
Me: Sure! Go for it.
Student: Okay. I wish I knew how to survive in the wilderness, write computer codes, kill someone, cook good food...
Me: What? Stop! Go back?
Student: Kill someone. You know, just in case.

And on that note! :p

Sometimes...

Sometimes I worry that I'll die unexpectedly, and no one will ever have understood the confusing jumble of thoughts inside my head.

Occasionally, I picture the inside of my mind as a teenagers bedroom.
Clothes strewn across the floor...
Piles of open books piled high upon the desk...
and no one ever cleans it.
I find lots of things there...
but so rarely what I'm looking for.
That one thought that escapes me.
Always.
And sometimes, I worry that I'll never find it.
The room will never be cleaned..
and eventually I'll forget.
And that will be it.
That scares me a little.

No one will ever have wandered in the jungle that is my imagination.
That scares me a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find my place.
If I will ever wake up one morning with no doubts lying next to me,
that I am where I'm meant to be.
So no matter where I go or what I do.
that place will follow me.
Inside me.
Always.

Sometimes I wonder.
But sometimes I don't.
Because I know I'm still searching,
And with every step forward I know where I am.

I'm getting closer.

Sometimes I think those are the greatest 'sometimes' of all.